The Jamba Man Can

So when I was 16, I decided I needed to become gainfully employed so I could purchase all the hottest Sanrio merch. As it turned out, our local Jamba Juice (managed by a man I now know to be practically insane) was in need of just the type of help I was desperate to offer.

After a few months, I was fired and then wrote this poem and posted it to my Xanga (as it turns out, I've been blogging since 2004...)

My friend recently logged into her own Xanga and rediscovered the poem, so I'm posting it here for posterity. I'm also forwarding you the e-mail your future ________ sent me about his NYE party. It does say to bring friends.

The Jamba Man Can

by: kim vincent

Mr. Duane Davis,
The Jamba Juice Man,
whips out those smoothies,
as fast as he can.
He makes all his patrons
think he gives a damn,
'cos he's Mr. Duane Davis,
the Jamba Juice Man.


Mr. Duane Davis,
The Jamba Juice Man,
is poppin' some pills,
as much as he can.
The staff is all sufferin',
but hes still da' man,
cos' he's still Duane Davis,
the Jamba Juice Man.


Along came Kim Vincent,
a kid with no money.
Duane gave her a chance,
he seemed sweet as honey.
Little did I know,
I'd soon have to pay,
for going in early,
to an interview that day.


Too good to be true,
my job had begun.
6 dollars an hour'd
be good for some fun.
The employees were sheep,
and thought Duane was cool,
He would walk by,
and Kathleen would just drool.


Mr. Duane Davis,
the Jamba Juice Man,
hired Kim Vincent
as fast as he can.
One day he called,
my lip started to quiver,
The Jamba Juice man
was an Indian-giver.


Mr. Duane Davis,
the Jamba Juice Man,
fired Kim Vincent,
as fast as he can.
He called up my phone,
and told me don't bother,
You won't be working
here any longer.


Next Wednesday had come,
and this was the day,
that I must return,
to collect my pay.
No reason was given
for my employment's demise.
"The man" couldn't even
look me in the eyes.


But don't you all worry,
and don't you all fear,
For vengeance is sweet,
and it draws more near,
Be it arson or murder,
or a wrench in a blender,
He won't fail to notice,
and he'll be smart to surrender.


Mr. Duane Davis,
the Jamba Juice Man,
will always make smoothies,
as good as he can.
But one day he'll know,
and I'll be sure that he sees,
his biggest mistake,
was firing me...